All the signs keep pointing to this constant arrow practically shouting at me to run a different direction. I have been living in fear my entire life. I choose security and emotional detachment at all costs with fear that I will be abandoned, fear that I will lose financial security, fear of the court system, or fear of loving someone and not being loved in return. I could go on…but then my entire life would be placed into that same category and immediately feel embarrassed of my sad little life.
Haha but that is just a story…all created in the mind with the ability to be changed when courage and vulnerability come into play. It’s so easy to become fully aware of my internal imprisonment but it takes time to truly change it and make it the life that I want to live. Here I am. I see it, I can change it.
Lately I’ve had this feeling in my bones to quit my job, sell my car and start backpacking and doing work exchanges. I don’t have a lot of money but I hear that it doesn’t take much and it’s mostly just our fears…my friend Kayla is doing this exact thing right now and has been giving me tips on how to get there. She has truly been an inspiration.
It won’t be for awhile because I have some legal things to take care of but trust me, when all is settled, it will be near impossible to hold back. Anyway, besides all my daydreaming, I have been reading Daring Greatly by Brene Brown. I’ve watched her Ted Talks but never read her books and I am so happy that I did, it’s eye opening. Since I started reading her book I have also started art journaling. Talk about therapeutic….just watercolors, old magazines and my mind fully present and here are some of the things I created yesterday:
I’m trying to get out of my funk…as some of you know I have been a tad aloof….with low motivation because I am treading through rough times…I know once I get through it all I will be able to breathe again but I feel a little helpless these days. Since my journaling and reading I have built up some motivation. I went to yoga today and soon I’ll be off to Bassline for some cardio tonight. Here is my schedule for the week!!!:
I also have yoga and my running club on top of this…and started a myfitnesspal account to hold myself accountable. Do any of you have it??? I like that it syncs with my Runkeeper app so if any of you do have it, add me with my email firstname.lastname@example.org or I think my username is tiarev. Anyway it’s fun to have friends to do this with. Anyway everyone have a great night!!